What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 11:19
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do people with straight hair think curly hair is so easy to take care of?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When she asked me how she looked .
What are the latest developments in the tech industry?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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I could never make a relationship work though!
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I write beautiful poetry .
We all went to grammer schools
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Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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But, we were locked up after school.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Was to survive, this bastard.
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.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Would this be the day?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
All the time i was locked up.
It was going to be , some day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Ive learnt so much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Put me off passion for life!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i lived it daily.
Especially a lifetime of it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was 9 years of age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were not on the streets..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was scared of men, in general
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was very sick at this time too.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I never cut or harmed myself..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I think the readers, may guess!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She wouldn,t have been !
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She married twice! .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why did i forgive my father ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Who then, do I blame.?
Im still living with it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I said to her
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So, i spoilt her more .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
So whats the point in blame.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My family never makes their pension either.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I will be 64.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was in good health!
As i do to all so called friends.?
What did i know ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He knew the spot.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.